yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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