i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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