I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
