I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
