from now on my penis is your penis
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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