its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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