All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
