I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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