He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
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My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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