There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
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And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
What happened to fro yo and sex?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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