she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
