This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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