Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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