he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
