I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
