just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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