I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
