we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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