youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
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you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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