mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
