I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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