I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
