His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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