He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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