sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
