i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
