you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
