More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
