U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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