Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
