Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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