I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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