I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
