My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
