I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
