i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
