That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
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SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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