hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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