I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
