he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
