I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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