I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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