so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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