Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
