I didn't shave. On purpose
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
