I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
