Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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