Too much gin, very little bucket
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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