Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
