and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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