Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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