Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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