I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
