Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
