i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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