can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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