I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She bit a glass in half.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
