How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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