She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
