i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Randomize
