I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize