I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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