she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
